"My Definition" The Many Faces of a Trafficking Victim Years later, I try to put all the pieces together. Trying to unbury what has been shoved deep away for years. In order to have a ‘normal’ life. For years I was the person they made me to be. The expectations of everyone around me. Needing to please. At all costs. Or else. Every Trafficking Victim has the same experiences. The same Shattered Self. The same Broken Soul. Regardless of where we came from, the color of our skin, the shape of our eyes, what country we were born in, how much money we came from, if we had one parent, two or none, our vices, our backgrounds, or our education. Some of us were sold by parents who suffered mental illness or drug addictions. Some of were tricked and lured and just wanted to be loved. Some of us were kidnapped right off the streets near our home. Out for ice cream. And some ran from what we thought was worse at the time. Only to exchange one abuse and violation for another. Though our faces are different, we endured the same treatment. The same harshness. The same Hell. The same humiliation. The same marks and violence. Man after man. Our nightmares are the same. But it is time. Time to remove each layer of the onion skin. Tears pour as I get deeper and deeper. As each layer is removed. To where the real pain lies. It is essential, so I can finally remember who I really am. The real me shoved away. To protect myself. So I could now turn Hell into Heaven. So I could find a purpose for this evil called Trafficking. Now, as I tell my story, I am putting a face to Trafficking. It may be old, but it has been far too long. It is time to raise an army. To show others the reality of our world. To what is happening to our children. I hear their stories. No longer being surprised when a woman (young or old), Approaches me at the side of the podium, Feeling moved to share her shortened story with me in a whisper. I realize now that by hearing my story, by putting a Face to Trafficking, it also allows others to help them find their own Voice. It lets the traffickers see, we will no longer let them win. They can not have us any longer. For I have had many faces. Have been forced to be many people. And finding myself has been a long and scary road. Perhaps I didn’t remember because I really didn’t want to know that little girl again. But now I do. I need to now. In order to find inner healing. For it comes from within. It has a purpose. It will stop other little girls from trying to figure out where they went, so long ago. From having so many Faces.
Do not ask why I can act so well,
for my survival depended upon it.
Do not ask how old I was when I lost my virginity,
For my age was not a reflection of having an
option.
Do not ask how many men I have been with,
For I do not know the answer.
Do not ask why I can perform certain sexual acts
so well,
For my practice was unwanted and vast.
Do not ask me my Story,
For you really don't want to know.
Do not ask me to lie,
For I prefer the truth over lying for my survival
now.
Don't ask me how I became so strong,
For you can't even imagine.
Don't ask me why I am so spiritual,
For only the angels accompanied me on my
darkest journey.
Do not ask me how many times I have been
pregnant,
For only God knows how many times HE removed
the seeds from me.
To spare me an even harder burden.
Don't ask me if I had a choice or why I didn't run,
For what person would endure what I did if given
a choice?
Do not ask me if I have been abused,
For you can not even fathom the abuse that took
Place.
Do not ask me what I was like when I was young,
For that person no longer exists.
Do not ask me what regrets I have in life or what I
would change if I could,
For I have no regrets about the decisions I made.
For you see, I had no choice
but did what I had to do to protect my family.
I became strong and found the Spirit within
to become the woman I am today
through ALL of my experiences,
both negative and positive.
Many will say I shouldn't allow these things to define me.
But they do.
Yet ONLY in the positive way I permit and allow it~!
For protection. For safety.
Not wanting to disappoint. Knowing the pain that accompanied it.
Our fears are the same.
As are our feelings of unworthiness.
Getting dangerously close to the core.
No longer being able to deny the cold, harsh facts.
Forcing my self with the realization. With the truth of what really happened.
For she was gone long ago.
After the first blow to my sides. To my privates. As the blood gushed from me.
The Faces of our Children.
The strength to continue this fight.
And from up above.